Yes, however, he was always distance and I could never get close to him. It was only through the scriptures that I felt I was close to him in my mind. I never really knew him, only what I kept reading about him in the Bible. I feared him because of pain of death and what he could do to me. I wanted to live forever in paradise for me and my family.
I could not accept the command to love him, how could you be commmanded to love someone under pain of punishment if you do not love him. Wouldn't that take away my free will? Also, how could you love someone with whom you did not know or have a relationship with? So the command to love him was a problem for me to understand.
And so, I lingered on in the hope that some day it would all become clear to me. 33 years later it has. None of what I thought to be true about him is true, it is all man-made history. Yes the Bible is real, but, it is just not from him.
Today God is not real to me.
Blueblades